Community Discussions
Explore the latest discussions and community conversations related to this domain.
[WP] The demon stands amid your destroyed kitchen screaming, "How? How were you able to summon me?!" You're standing in the corner flipping through your grandma's cookbook as fast as you can, screaming back, "I don't know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!"
Main Post: [WP] The demon stands amid your destroyed kitchen screaming, "How? How were you able to summon me?!" You're standing in the corner flipping through your grandma's cookbook as fast as you can, screaming back, "I don't know!! You were supposed to be chicken soup!"
Top Comment: The demon's flames dwindled when I desperately screamed I was trying to make chicken soup. He gave a sigh of relief, and raised clenched fists. Clouds of tar-black smoke billowed out the crevasses of the floor and across the grotesque scars and wounds on his fiery skin, covering most of his body in dark, apron-shaped toxicity. "Let's get to work, then!" the demon said, and scanned the kitchen. "What are we working with? What ingredients did you buy?" "I-I...chicken?" I said, trying to compose myself. However, it was no easy task, I could see my worst nightmares through the demon's hollow eyes. He came and stared at me, prodding my chest with a crooked forefinger, burning a hole on my shirt in the process. "You. I like you. Every chef knows that a chicken soup is not a chicken soup without proper chicken. Tell me, where did you get the chicken, what breed of chicken is it?" I froze, the smell of smoldering cloth pervading my nostrils. His face. It shifted every time I blinked. "The supermarket, and... and I don't know the br-breed. A farm one?" The demon swung his hands exaggeratedly across the air, and the red of his skin changed to a scalding, glimmering orange, much like molten metal. Then, he drew a deep breath and nodded. "I will tell you something," the demon said through gritted teeth, attempting to control his fuming wrath. "First I loved you, but now I hate you. You are a man of wit. You know the ingredients of a chicken soup, but you are not a man of knowledge. To make a perfect chicken soup, you need the perfect chicken." He eyed me, and crossed his four arms, as if waiting for me to answer. I frowned. What was I supposed to say? "Where can we get a perfect chicken?" His eyes, mouth and nose disappeared, leaving only an eerie grin of unnatural curvature, length and razor-sharp teeth on his face. "I'm glad you asked that." He made a circular motion with his hand, as if opening a faucet. A square-shaper portal of ever-flowing fire appeared between us. "You first," the demon said. "We are going grocery shopping." Part 2
The domination of poorly built, kitchen sink, DIY design page builder “premium” themes hurts the WordPress brand.
Main Post:
I hear people talk shit about WP and I understand there are valid criticisms.
However, I and others here build beautiful, custom, easy to manage websites using WordPress to great benefit to our clients. If that’s what people encounter when learning about (or especially paying good money for) WP then they will realize how helpful and valuable the platform can be (especially to an average user managing the site).
99% of the “premium” themes I encounter when picking up new clients or collaborating with others are incomprehensible, poorly built, badly designed, ux nightmare management hellscapes that your average user is doomed to manage properly. If that’s what people think of when they think of WP... it makes me sick to my stomach.
WP is a tool that’s only as good as how we use it. Let’s stop using these terrible, hacky abominations (and also let’s stop recommending them as proper solutions) for our clients.
ACF is saintly, Visual Composer is the fucking devil.
/rant
Top Comment:
The problem with “premium” themes is they’re marketed as an all-in-one solution anyone could use. Okay at everything translates to good for nothing.
WP agencies/developers aren’t the target audience for premium themes, ma and pop business owners are.
My advice, don’t sweat it much. If you get a client that previously used a crap theme just quote for a full redesign done right. If they insist on sticking with their crap theme fire them as a client. It’s not worth dealing with the hell of making a bad theme look good.
[WP] Kitchen Nightmares: Krusty Krab edition
Main Post: [WP] Kitchen Nightmares: Krusty Krab edition
Top Comment:
Intro Guy: Tonight, on Kitchen Nightmares...
[Cut to Spongebob running around the kitchen before slipping on ground beef]
[Cut to Gordon Ramsay screaming and throwing around fish heads]
Gordon: IT'S FUCKING ROTTEN!
[Cut to Sandy Cheeks covering her face and crying]
[Calm music, and cut to a wide shot of the Krusty Krab]
Gordon: [Narrating] Tonight, i have travelled to Bikini Bottom to try a local sensation, The Krusty Krab.
[Gordon walks into the Krusty Krab, cut to several shots of the sailor-like decor]
Gordon: Jesus... [Walks up to the counter]
Squidward: [Flatly] Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may i take your order?
Gordon: [Looks over the menu] Hmm... yes, i'll have the Krabby Patty with sea cheese, a medium coral bits, kelp rings with no sauce, and a kelp shake.
Squidward: [Does not even move, does not write the order down or do anything] Okay.
Gordon: A-are you gonna write it down? Or tell someone?
Squidward: I will. Just not now.
Gordon: But i... [Quietly] Sod it.
[Gordon walks off and sits down. Squidward shouts the order into the back. Gordon sits patiently for a few minutes, until a crash echoes from the back.]
Gordon: The fuck was that?
[Gordon stands up, and walks into the kitchen, where Spongebob lies in a pile of ground beef]
Gordon: Excuse me, Sir...
Spongebob: Ugh... where am i...
Gordon: On the floor... In a pile of ground beef.
[Spongebob slowly stands up]
Spongebob: Welcome to the Krusty Kr-
Gordon: Who's your boss?
Spongebob: Excuse me?
Gordon: Who runs this place? Who fucking pays you?
[Spongebob points to a door on the side of the room]
Spongebob: Mr. Krabs, sir.
Gordon: Right...
[Gordon walks into the back room, where Mr. Krabs sits, counting money.]
Gordon: The fuck is wrong with you?
Krabs: Huh?
Gordon: This place is a fucking mess! Garbage service, and a single chef who doesn't know what he's doing!
Krabs: Now don't insult me like that! I work hard to keep this place in tip-top shape!
Gordon: Don't fucking give me that. This place is falling apart.
[Mr Krabs stands up and gets in Gordon's face.]
Krabs: You should think before you speak, boy!
Gordon: Calm down.
Krabs: I'll show you how i calm down!
[Mr Krabs lunges at Gordon]
[Cut to commercial]
Spraying Demon WP and Gentrol IGR in kitchen but seeing an increasing # of roaches
Main Post:
Hello,
When I moved into my condo, I saw 3 adult roaches in the span of 10 months. I figured maybe a neighbor has roaches but as long as I keep clean I won't get them. About 2-3 weeks ago I noticed tiny tiny nymphs around so I immediately looked online and found some sites/reviews that say Demon WP + Gentrol IGR works to kill and stop the reproduction of roaches. Before I sprayed, I looked in my cabinets and found two open egg sacs (oh joy). I've only seen nymphs in my kitchen so I sprayed both Demon WP and Gentrol along the edges of my counter and edges of my kitchen. I also sprayed just Demon WP on the front and back of each cabinet door. I also have the Gentrol Point control things in each cabinet and on each exposed surface. Since then I have not seen a nymph on the counter, but I still see roaches on the floor and along the lower cabinets under the sink and such (not in the cabinets, only on the outside).
Just today I killed a few nymphs that I spotted and it didn't seem like there was a decreasing number. I even got a nymph onto a paper towel and sprayed it directly with a LOT of Demon WP and let it sit for at least 15 minutes and the fucker would not die. And just now, I saw a nearly full grown nymph and an adult roach out at the same time. I killed the adult but the large nymph got away. This is what caused me to make this post.
I read that it takes about 2 months to fully mature so I'm assuming that the adult I just saw was not one of the nymphs I started seeing 2-3 weeks ago.
Should I be even more concerned than before?
Top Comment: Demon WP and Gentrol are effective products but you would do better with a diligent effort at baiting. Gentrol Point Source should only be used in enclosed spaces. The ones on your counter are really doing nothing. They are designed for things like cabinets and fridge motor housings. The vapor of Gentrol Point Source gets too diluted when out in the "open."You have two good products in the Demon WP and the Gentrol liquid; but I suspect you aren't presenting them to the pest well enough. Presenting it to the pest takes experience. I would advise bait. Don't spray around your bait. DO NOT BOMB OR FOG! Do you share a wall/ceiling/floor with another residence?
[WP] Gordon Ramsay mistakenly walks into your house to film an episode of Kitchen Nightmares, and refuses to believe that you aren't a failing restaurant owner
Main Post: [WP] Gordon Ramsay mistakenly walks into your house to film an episode of Kitchen Nightmares, and refuses to believe that you aren't a failing restaurant owner
Top Comment:
"What the hell is this!?"
I stop and turn around and this big British blonde dude is holding up my pack of Top Ramen like it's evidence in a court of law.
"Who the fuck are you!?" I ask, as politely as I can.
"Do you serve this in here?" the blonde bloke continues. "Is this what you've been serving? Pre-packed noodles?"
"Dude, I work all day, I don't have time to make real noodles," I say. "And who the hell are you to pass judgment on what I eat?"
He goes around me and opens the fridge. "What do we have here?"
"Dude, are you Mark's friend?" I ask.
"Who's Mark?" his echoed voice reaches me, as he fumbles around inside the fridge.
"My roommate." I pause. "Dude, if you're not Mark's friend, then you got the wrong house, cause –"
The man turns to face me, and his eyes light up. "There's a roommate?"
He goes past me and stares into nothing.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Alpaca and Mark take care of the business together," the man says, to absolutely no one, facing the wall. "But what happens to the quality of the food and service... when the quality of their friendship... is growing sour?"
"Dude, like, what?"
He turns back and screams at me. "Look at this pear!" he says, grabbing a brown pear from the kitchen counter. "Are you serving this shit!? Is this the quality standard of your establishment?"
He throws the pear against the wall, and the noise attracts a sleepy-faced Mark, who emerges from his bedroom rubbing his eyes. "Alpaca, can you please not –" he pauses. "Why is Gordon Ramsay in our kitchen, Alpaca?"
"Who's Gordon Ramsay?" I ask.
"The reality TV dude. With the kitchens," Mark says. "What the hell is he doing here?"
The bloke – Gordon, apparently – turns to the wall again. "Mark doesn't agree with Gordon's suggestions to improve the kitchen at Markalpaca's restaurant, but Alpaca has had enough. Can their business survive both the kitchen and their personal problems? Find out next, on Kitchen Nightmares."
Mark's eyes stop on me, and he looks as confused as I do. "Dude, I think Gordon Ramsay is tripping balls."
Gordon goes to Mark and towers over him. "Are you aware that Alpaca is serving pre-packed ramen in your restaurant? Are you?"
"Dude, chill."
"Are you aware you have bad pears here!? Do you think this is funny?"
"No, I –"
"This is a nightmare." Gordon looks from Mark to me. "You two better get your act together, fast." Then he turns to the wall. "Will Mark and Alpaca be able to pull through and save the business... and their friendship?" he asks the wall. "Find out next, on –"
"No, no, no," Mark says, stepping forward. "That's it. Gordon, this is not Kitchen Nightmares, okay? You're invading our property and we're going to call the police if you don't leave."
"What? I don't –"
Mark puts his phone to his ear, then says: "Yeah, I have an emergency. Gordon Ramsay is in my house throwing pears at the wall and he won't leave. Yes, I am serious. Yes. Yes."
He hangs up. Gordon looks confused, then heads for the kitchen and starts throwing our bread away, whispering something about bad quality wheat.
Then there's a knock on the door.
"Finally," I say, going past Gordon, who's now smelling our orange juice and shaking his head by the stove, and head for the door. I open. "Hey, officers. There he is."
The two cops go by me and Mark and stop in front of Gordon (now tearing apart a cabbage and testing the texture with his fingers). "Come on, Mr. Ramsay. This way."
Gordon turns to them. "What? Who the hell are you? I'm not leaving!"
The cops exchange looks. Then one of them turns back, goes past me, stops in front of the wall and, in a blank tone, states: "Next, on Cops: Gordon Ramsay doesn't want to leave the house, even after being intimidated to do so by the police. What happens next... might surprise you."
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Mark says, rolling his eyes.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask. Before anyone can answer, there's another knock on the door. I open, and a cleverly dressed man in a monocle steps in.
"Okay, who are you?"
He goes straight past me and stops in front of the wall by the cop's side. "Alpaca has decided to finish his story with a Cops reference, playing with the notion that, rather than Gordon Ramsay being insane, it is the whole world around the main characters that has turned into a reality TV-like universe. Will that device work well for his story? Find out next, on Prompt Nightmares."
"Now this is just ridiculous," Mark says.
"To make matters worse, Alpaca seems to have missed the cue to end the story with the meta-reference to his own story by having a Prompt Nightmares host invade the story and self-reference his own joke in an attempt to prove that his story is not dumb, but rather self-aware. Now he's just writing and writing, and the danger of never hitting a good spot to call it quits seems bigger than ever. Will he pull through, or will his story fall to pieces? Find out next, on Prompt Nightma –"
All right I'm done.
Thanks for reading! For more stories that go meta because I don't know how to finish them, check out r/psycho_alpaca! =)